I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
