I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
