So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my god I love twenty year old dicks
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
