im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize