I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize