Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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