everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
