This girl is more easily done than said...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
