Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
