$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
