she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
