You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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