JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my shit smells like andre
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
