By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
