I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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