the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
