I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
