i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
