if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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