i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
