im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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