I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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