I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my sisters under your porch take her home
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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