i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
