i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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