I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
