Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
