girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
