I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
