It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
