I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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