There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
