All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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