i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
