he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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