I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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