He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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