drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
