Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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