the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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