I hope mine doesn't look like that
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
