I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
