I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Come on in and take your pants off
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