Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
