I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
