He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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