Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
