His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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