should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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