my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
