she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
