lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
