He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
