I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize