Define "chronic" masturbator.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry my hands just texted you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
