And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
