did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
