yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
