i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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