While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
