Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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