you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize