just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
