i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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