a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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