i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
